Staff Reports
President Joe Biden plans a grand return to the White House after a brief hiatus caused by his COVID diagnosis, an absence that has left many wondering if he’s already upgraded to “lame-duck” status ahead of time. This latest episode in the administration’s reality show has inadvertently opened the door for Vice President Kamala Harris, who now finds herself the presumptive Democrat nominee for the 2024 presidential race with all the fanfare of a wet dishcloth.
Since testing positive for COVID after an event in Las Vegas, Biden has been self-isolating in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, enjoying the quiet life while keeping his political ambitions on the shelf. In true Biden fashion, he broke the news of not seeking re-election just days after announcing his COVID diagnosis—as if Americans needed another reason to change the channel on this administration. Not to be outdone, he promptly endorsed Harris, as if handing over the baton in a relay race while sitting comfortably on the sidelines.
The President has also managed to cancel nearly ten of his scheduled trips—perhaps indicative of his campaign’s overall enthusiasm. One might wonder if he thought anyone would notice, or if the American people, already fatigued with his leadership style, were waiting with bated breath for him to resume non-existent ambitions. Nevertheless, the White House is gearing up for his return, set for Tuesday, with reporters left to ponder whether they should bring party hats or sympathy cards.
It's a Miracle! Biden Returns to White House After COVID Diagnosishttps://t.co/ymVVZCOq21 pic.twitter.com/V9pZ8FgHQ3
— Parallel Polis in Exile 🇺🇸 (@GeorgeG13567824) July 23, 2024
As Biden makes his return, his doctor assures us that he is in high spirits and his health is just peachy. After receiving his tenth dose of Paxlovid—because apparently, ten is the magic number—the President’s vital signs check out, confirming what many have suspected: he could outlive some of his less politically relevant options. The doctor’s news, however, raises a few eyebrows, intertwining with the notion that if Biden can bounce back so quickly, it makes one wonder just how serious his original diagnosis truly was.
Despite the chaos swirling around him—cabinet members squabbling like kids over the last piece of candy—Biden has given no indication that he plans to step down before the January 2025 inauguration, ensuring that this reality show continues at least until then. With all the missed appearances and Harris’s quiet ascent, it’s clear that political intrigue is alive and well in Washington.
