Staff Reports
Government waste has reached a new high, and this time it’s not just about shrimp on treadmills. It’s about the CIA’s peculiar foray into the world of astral projection and Martian civilizations. Yes, you read that right. A report has surfaced revealing that the CIA once indulged in the bizarre notion that life—humanoid and pyramid-building life—once thrived on Mars. This wasn’t just your average look into some far-off galaxy either; they were allegedly sending individuals back through time, all the way to a million years ago, to confirm it.
The report in question, titled ‘Mars Exploration May 22, 1984’, outlines how CIA agents, or perhaps more accurately, aspiring shamans, employed astral projection to send subjects to the red planet. Who needs rockets when you can just tap into the astral plane? This top-secret operation was part of Project Stargate, a veiled attempt by the US Army to investigate all kinds of outlandish phenomena, including remote viewing and psychic powers. It’s as if government agents were watching too many science fiction movies featuring characters floating around in colorful psychedelic realms.
And what were those subjects reporting? It turns out they described visiting a Mars landscape complete with pyramids and vast roadways reminiscent of ancient Egyptian architecture. These would-be astronauts then claimed to see towering beings who were searching for a new home after their environment had gone awry. It sounds suspiciously like a script from a low-budget sci-fi movie, rather than an official government report. Skeptics could fairly argue that the ‘probe’ of the astral variety was more likely to induce topsy-turvy visions than actual truth-seeking.
The very absurdity of this venture raises eyebrows. There was no Martian civilization, no pyramids, and definitely no giants roaming the landscape. The claim itself falls apart under the slightest scrutiny. Instead, those participating likely experienced vivid hallucinations brought on by some dubious binaural beats meant to stir psychic powers to life. The entire charade seems more about obscuring taxpayer dollars than uncovering galactic secrets. Simply put: if they were hoping to find Martian architecture, they would have been better off sending a drone rather than playing spiritual hopscotch.
What if I told you the CIA once sent individuals through the astral plane to Mars? Sounds wild, right? Dive into the bizarre world of government secrets and cosmic adventures in our latest blog post. Buckle up—this is a journey you won’t want to miss: … https://t.co/wZKAi4cOvw
— NahBabyNah #Trump (@NahBabyNah) December 26, 2024
Fortunately, the circus came to an end in 1995 when the project was shut down. The whole concept of remote viewing, marketed as a magical tool for locating everything from lost individuals to nifty little covert operations, predictably produced nothing of substance. While the project spent over a decade lost in an ether of fantastical claims, it contributed little more than giggles across the nation. The results of these investigations were likely no more reliable than a broken clock.
This insight into the wastefulness of government spending weighs heavy as Americans consider the accountability of their tax dollars. From marshmallow-spiked fund allocations to the CIA’s cosmic escapades, there is an endless string of extravagant projects draining the budget. This should serve as a reminder that keeping a keen eye on government expenditures is essential—because when bureaucrats are left unchecked, they might just believe anything is possible, even sending agents back in time to converse with imagined Martians. Next time someone tries to argue the government isn’t absurdly wasteful, the case of the astronauts of the astral plane might be a striking talking point.
