Staff Reports
In a stunning display of emotional gymnastics, late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel took to the stage for what he dubbed a heartfelt monologue. To the dismay of viewers—and let’s be honest, probably his own writers—Kimmel lamented for not just women and children but also those hardworking immigrants who apparently keep America spinning on its axis. One might wonder if he was just a touch too dramatic, showcasing the world’s smallest violin for an audience who quickly realized this is the same Kimmel who routinely pokes fun at conservatives with a wink and a nudge. Oh, the irony!
Kimmel’s lamentations included a lengthy list of sob stories that stretched like a bad political ad—but no one asked for the infomercial. He invoked the plight of allies in Ukraine, NATO, and even “democracy and decency” as if they were guests at a funeral he was hosting. It was as if Kimmel was giving us an audition for the next great Hollywood tearjerker—but wait, isn’t that what movies are for? The once-comedic star appears to have mistaken his late-night gig for a soap opera—and seriously, if you’re looking to shed a tear, just watch a rerun of a sad Hallmark movie instead.
Of course, in typical Hollywood fashion, Kimmel dared to frame the outcome of the recent elections as a dark day for America. By “dark day,” he meant a day when a large portion of Americans—those pesky red-state folks who cling to their guns and religion—expressed views that didn’t align with Kimmel’s own. It’s adorable how he thinks he represents the vast majority as if Americans patiently waited for his sage wisdom. But here’s the newsflash: The rest of America is not watching late-night shows for political lectures. They’re flipping the channel to hear jokes, not sob stories.
As Kimmel bemoaned the state of democracy, one couldn’t help but chuckle at the hypocrisy of it all. This is the same guy who has made a career out of mocking anyone who dares to differ from his progressive worldview. In his universe, “democracy” seems to mean accepting any outcome that matches his agenda, and if you happen to disagree, well, you’ve just failed the Kimmel test of decency! Perhaps he should consider that democracy also means accepting the choices of people whose views diverge from his own—imagine that!
Viewers are scratching their heads, wondering if Kimmel has realized how out of touch he is. It’s almost as if he believes his emotional tirade will revive his dwindling ratings—a noble effort as successful as a vegan taco at a Texas BBQ. But let’s be real: his nightly showcases of melodrama instead of comedy may just be the final nail in the coffin of his career. And while he continues hugging despair, perhaps America’s heartland—full of hardworking folks laughing at his antics—will find a better way to cope by tuning out. After all, it’s not just a bad night for him; it’s a grand opportunity for the rest of America to turn off the TV and the laughter.
