Staff Reports
Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the maverick independent running for president, is pulling out all the stops to drum up support and raise funds for his underdog campaign, which is about as likely to succeed as a goldfish trying to climb a tree. In a move that seems more desperate than a cat chasing a laser pointer, Kennedy’s campaign is hosting a star-studded comedy show to try and win over voters who might be more interested in a good belly laugh than his political platform. But hey, at least he’s acknowledging that more people would rather watch a bunch of comedians than listen to his policy ideas.
The event, titled “A Night of Laughter With RFK Jr. & Friends,” will feature a motley crew of comedians, actors, and other entertainment industry big shots. Kennedy’s wife, Cheryl Hines, who’s apparently done some acting in that show about being enthusiastic while curbing stuff, will be emceeing the shindig at the Million Dollar Theater in Los Angeles. And it’s going to take a lot more than a million dollars to make this campaign sound appealing.
RFK Jr. campaign taps celebrity circle for presidential campaign boost https://t.co/Hedvr83jQe via @dcexaminer
— 🌴PalmTreePatriot🌴 (@FLMomNYGirl) February 14, 2024
Among the featured guests are a bunch of comedians no one’s ever heard of, and also Rob Schneider, who’s probably just looking for any excuse to get out of the house. The campaign is also teasing “surprise guests,” but let’s face it, the only surprise here would be if anyone actually showed up.
Tickets for the show are being hawked for $150, but if you’re feeling a bit frivolous, you can shell out $1,000 for “preferred seating” and access to the after-party. And for those with more money than sense, front-row seats and after-party passes will set you back a cool $1,500. Who knew buying the illusion of political relevance could be so expensive?
At the after-party, attendees will have the thrilling opportunity to chat with Kennedy, Hines, and the assorted comedians and special guests. Plus, they get to enjoy “scrumptious bites, cocktails, and more!” Because nothing says presidential campaign quite like a bite-sized quiche and a weak cocktail.
Kennedy’s campaign claims that this comedy show is just the beginning, with plans to hold similar events across the country as they make their way to the White House. Good luck with that, buddy.
Now, in a stunning display of what many might consider a waste of time and resources, Kennedy has obtained ballot access in exactly two whole states — Utah and New Hampshire. In 17 other states, he’s supposedly making progress, which is about as reassuring as a squirrel with a master plan. And in several other states, he’s eligible to try and get on the ballot, but he still needs to find a running mate. It’s like trying to find a date to the prom at the last minute, but with much higher stakes. And as if that’s not enough, there are 11 more states where he can’t even attempt to qualify for the ballot yet. At this rate, he might as well be running for president of Narnia.
Seriously, good luck to Kennedy and his comedy tour masquerading as a presidential campaign. It’s going to take a lot more than a few chuckles to make voters forget that he’s as likely to win the presidency as a goldfish is to climb a tree. And that’s your conservative spin on yet another misguided political sideshow. Cheers!
