Staff Reports
Liz Cheney has rolled out her latest campaign strategy for Americans: choose a political candidate based on how comfortable you would feel leaving them alone with your kids. While stirring up a battlefield of opinions to galvanize support, she somehow found herself sharing the stage with Kamala Harris, the poster child for liberal logic. Cheney’s vibrant advice? If you wouldn’t hire someone to babysit your children, there’s no way that person should be anywhere near the Oval Office.
Let’s unpack this babysitting scenario, shall we? Picture this: Donald Trump arrives punctually at 7 p.m. sharp, sporting his trademark suit that’s as crisp as a freshly ironed shirt. In the back of your mind, you contemplate how much your child loves to experiment with food on new clothing. But fear not! Trump reassures you with his characteristic bravado and shares that he has “plenty” of outfits to spare. In no time, he’s transformed your little one into a miniature gentleman, teaching him the fine art of tying a half Windsor knot, all while making your kid feel like a million bucks.
It's about time she spoke the truth about Biden. 😂😂🤡
I'd hire Trump to babysit kids in a heartbeat. We've all seen how wonderful and loving he is with his grandkids, and what a fun grandpa he is. Any child would have a blast with Trump and would learn something too. Biden… https://t.co/QOYJYb3PGq
— Natalie Nichols (@NatalieGNichols) October 22, 2024
When dinner time rolls around, it’s fast-food extravaganza with a side of childhood joy: McDonald’s. Trump doesn’t just stop there; he hotlines Grimace and the Hamburglar to perform a private show for the kiddos. After the meal, it’s movie night featuring “Home Alone 2,” where Trump provides real-life anecdotes about Macaulay Culkin and the wonders of New York City. Just when it seems like it’s too good to be true, bedtime approaches, and of course, your little angel doesn’t want to close his eyes just yet. But no worries; Trump tackles the toddler tantrum with the same cool demeanor he brings to boardroom battles, resulting in a peacefully slumbering child by the time you clock back home.
Now, let’s pivot to Kamala Harris’s arrival, a tale that contrasts sharply with Trump’s stellar babysitting skills. She shows up fashionably late—7:13 p.m. to be exact—leaving you waiting impatiently in the foyer. While you’re hoping for some quality time, Kamala decides it’s better to concoct flimsy excuses instead. Your child is eager for some dinner, but it seems Harris’s culinary expertise is more suited for adult taste buds. Instead of whipping up a satisfying kids meal, she dives into the liquor cabinet with all the fervor of a kid in a candy store. “Coq au vin,” she declares, complete with an exaggerated French accent, while your child just wants chicken nuggets.
Unfortunately, the evening spirals downward from there. Kamala’s grand idea involves sending your kid out for more garlic while she hovers over the kitchen with a glass of wine in hand. As if sending your child into the cold wasn’t bad enough, disaster strikes when Kamala decides to let the toddler help with the cleanup. The result? A messy kitchen and a ruined pantsuit. Just when the drama peaks, you enter to find your child, frightened and confused, sprawled over Kamala’s lap as she raises a wooden spoon in commendation of “discipline.” Meanwhile, the television broadcasts an inappropriately timed adult-themed scene, leaving you to wonder how this could ever be considered proper babysitting.
In what world is Kamala Harris’s approach acceptable, especially when comparing her to the likes of Donald Trump? Cheney can pitch her parenting theory all she likes, but when faced with the babysitting reality, it’s clear that some characters are just better suited for the job than others. While Harris offers a disarray of confusion and chaos, Trump embodies the spirit of fun and responsible enthusiasm that parents truly desire when looking for someone to look after their children.
