Staff Reports
Elon Musk, the tech titan known for his innovative ventures, has turned his gaze to the government, specifically the Social Security Administration, and the results are less than comforting. It seems Musk’s newly formed Department of Government Efficiency stumbled upon a treasure trove of inefficiency that reads like a plot twist from a particularly bizarre horror movie: a vast number of individuals listed as alive who surely shuffled off this mortal coil eons ago.
How many? Buckle up—the database apparently includes over 1.3 million people aged between 150 and 159 years old. Not to be outdone, nearly 122,000 aged 160 to 169, and over 6,000 living it up at 170 to 179, have all made the list. And let’s not forget about the wild claims of a few thousand more aged between 180 and 229. Yes, that means these “living individuals” have been on Social Security longer than most people have existed in America. Who knew the nation was harboring a secret vampire society collecting benjamins from the federal government?
According to the Social Security database, these are the numbers of people in each age bucket with the death field set to FALSE!
Maybe Twilight is real and there are a lot of vampires collecting Social Security 🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/ltb06VX98Z
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 17, 2025
Musk took to social media to share this eyebrow-raising revelation, providing a screenshot to back up his claims. With characteristic wit, he suggested that if the figures are accurate, it could mean that “Twilight” is indeed real and that there is a proliferation of vampires tapping into the Social Security system. One can only imagine that the likes of Bella and Edward are living among us, filing monthly claims.
The audit also unveils a rogue individual listed at the unimaginable age of 240-249 years. Another is purportedly 360-369 years old, meaning they might have witnessed the birth of the nation. Apparently, these age discrepancies are far worse than just data entry issues; they suggest a failure on the part of the Social Security Administration to keep its records current—an unforgivable sin in any government agency, let alone one responsible for pensions and benefits.
Musk’s skimming through those federal records also hinted at a staggering 7.4 million Americans aged 130-149 still classified as alive. The lack of clarity here raises valuable questions: Are these elderlies indeed receiving Social Security payments? One must cringe at the thought of taxpayer money lining the pockets of long-deceased citizens or, God forbid, their long-lost identities still collecting government checks. If this doesn’t scream “audit necessary,” what does?
The implications here are second only to the laughable incompetence exhibited by the Social Security Administration. Tasked with managing the payouts that influence countless lives, their failure to keep track of who is actually alive indicates that the federal bureaucracy is in dire need of a significant overhaul. It seems Musk’s findings are a resounding call to action for anyone who champions reform. After all, if the government can’t manage even basic record-keeping, how can it be trusted to manage anything more complicated?
