Staff Reports
So, over the weekend, the political circus rolled into town with a rally featuring everyone’s favorite polarizing personalities: ALC (that’s Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for those not in the know) and old Mom Donnie, also known as President Donald Trump. The theme? Diversity. That’s right, folks. A celebration of all the flavors in the political ice cream sundae we call America. But instead of sprinkles and cherries, it might’ve looked a bit more like confusion and a side of “wait, what did they just say?”
Now, ALC took the stage and, bless her heart, she was furiously explaining how the future isn’t determined by a “death boat”—whatever that means—sitting in a house built by enslaved people. This is like trying to navigate a GPS that’s constantly recalculating. You think you’re headed to a bright future, but the instructions keep taking you to a dark past. It’s important to recognize history, but c’mon, this isn’t a history class—could we stick to a topic that doesn’t require a textbook and a strong cup of coffee to digest?
Then, of course, there’s the critique of President Biden, who was mysteriously dubbed a “tyrant” and a “desperate.” Now, folks, if you’re still calling someone a tyrant when they walk into a room with their glasses half off their face and a collection of cat memes on their desk, maybe it’s time to reassess your sarcasm meter. A tyrant doesn’t usually look like your distracted uncle trying to figure out how to use the television remote. But hey, that’s politics for you!
Mom Donnie didn’t let the mic cool down before chiming in—surprise, surprise! It was announced he’s rolling out a free bus pilot program in New York City, which honestly sounds way better than it probably is. Sure, it boosted ridership by 32%, and the news about the lowest-income riders actually using the buses they previously avoided is great. But imagine the colorful mix of people you’re going to encounter on these free rides! It’s like a reality show waiting to happen, where the prize is keeping your sanity while trying to listen to someone’s abstract thoughts on why pigeons are government spies.
Now, put yourself in the shoes of a regular bus commuter. Suddenly, you’ve got high-powered activists sharing a seat with your cranky neighbor, who thinks the world is flat and his cat understands astrophysics. It’s the ultimate test of patience! So, while Mom Donnie’s free bus experiment is a noble effort to give everyone a lift, it may also become the setting for the next great American social experiment—”Survivor: Urban Transit.”
At the end of the day, both of these political titans are speaking their truths, with ALC pondering the weight of history and Mom Donnie on a mission to keep things moving—literally. The contrast is as stark as the subways in New York: one’s searching for progress by digging deep into our past, while the other is looking to drive change one free bus ride at a time. So buckle up, folks! It’s going to be a wild ride, with lots of unexpected stops along the way.
