Staff Reports
Ah, California, land of sunny beaches, movie stars, and apparently, mass millionaire migration. It’s like the gold rush in reverse; instead of people flocking to California for fortune, the fortunes are now high-tailing it out of there. With billionaires like Stephen Spielberg packing their bags, it seems like California’s got a bit of a billionaire exodus on its hands. The Wall Street Journal reports that nearly a trillion dollars in taxable wealth has left the state. If only there was someone to blame. Oh, wait, could it be Governor Gavin Newsom?
Governor Newsom, ever the fan of a good plot twist, recently made headlines for more than just watching the rich wave goodbye in their private jets. In a dazzling PR move—or is it a blunder?—he hopped over to Atlanta to chat with the folks there. In an attempt to ‘relate’ to the black community, he said he was just like them, explaining he got a 960 on his SATs and can’t read speeches. Now, who would have thought that claiming you can’t read would be a campaign strategy? But don’t worry, folks. Newsom assures us he’s not trying to impress anyone, just trying to impress upon them. Nothing says relatable like an inability to read, right?
It’s kind of a tough sell when your past is basically a walking embodiment of an ascot-wearing soap opera character. Born into wealth, Newsom’s family rubs elbows with the affluent, thanks to their ties with the billion-dollar Getty family fortune. Yet, there he was on a podcast, reminiscing about his “poor” childhood. Surrounded by ascots and million-dollar homes, young Gavin’s hardships apparently consisted of microwaving lasagna solo. Yes, quite the tale of struggle and cheese-based dinners.
There’s something oddly entertaining about watching a political figure try to claim they’re just like everyone else. Yet, throwing in a little self-deprecation that ties intelligence to relatability? Mix in Newsom’s past, and it plays like a surreal episode of reality TV. Here he goes, walking into 2028, ready to battle for attention on the political stage. Maybe he thinks if he carries a rhetorical hot sauce in his bag, like some other notable political figures, it’ll keep folks engaged. Spoiler alert: Not everyone’s buying it.
It seems like Democrats are vying for the gold medal in the pandering Olympics. They bring out all the classic hits, whether it’s Newsom’s self-deprecating humor or Hillary’s “hot sauce” faux pas. The routine’s become like a comedy sketch, but chaos creeps in as you realize they think it’s serious outreach. Will these performances win over voters who see right through it? That’s the big question. But for now, let’s all grab a snack, sit back, and watch the show. Knowing politics today, Season 2028 promises to be an absolute blockbuster.
