Staff Reports
Republican Senator Joni Ernst from Iowa is shaking things up with her new legislation aimed at liberating a hefty portion of the federal workforce from the clutches of Washington, D.C. With a name that sounds like it was crafted by a headline writer on a caffeine binge—the ‘Decentralizing and Reorganizing Agency Infrastructure Nation-wide To Harness Efficient Services, Workforce Administration, and Management Practices’ (DRAIN THE SWAMP) Act—this proposal intends to send nearly a third of federal employees packing out of the metropolitan area.
Unlike her previous bill aimed solely at the Small Business Administration, this latest effort is far more ambitious. Ernst is claiming it will not only streamline government services but also smash a few piggy banks in the process, potentially saving billions of taxpayer dollars. The senator argues it’s time to bring the “bureaucrat laptop class” back down to Earth, suggesting that if federal employees would rather avoid the Beltway, then taxpayers shouldn’t be stuck footing the bill for their avoidance of real work. The cynics among us might wonder what kind of “service” can possibly be improved while someone is lounging in a bubble bath during a work meeting—a classic telework success story.
Ernst proposes bill to move 30% of DC agency staff nationwide https://t.co/O0OzlekBy6
— Conservative News Daily (@ConservNewsDly) December 19, 2024
The nuts and bolts of the legislation require nearly all government agencies to consider relocating their employees to more rural locales—not exactly the metropolitan party scene—but where many Americans actually live and work. Only a select few agencies involved in national security will remain untouched by this transformative migration. So, if you were expecting to spot some spy hanging out at a cornfield café, you might need to curb those dreams for now.
To top it off, Ernst isn’t just focused on moving bodies out of D.C.; she’s also keen on shrinking the federal office space itself. After two years from the bill’s enactment, agencies will have to reduce their office real estate in D.C. by at least 30%. A little less marble and a lot more… well, fieldstone might be the new look for government. This plan isn’t just about aesthetics; it’s about restoring taxpayer confidence that federal employees are actually working for the American people instead of merely heating up office chairs.
Evidence supporting Ernst’s push includes previous investigations revealing the absurdity of federal teleworking arrangements. One notorious case detailed an employee from the Agency for International Development who managed to rake in suburban D.C.-level pay while actually living it up in Florida. The gall of collecting locality pay while enjoying sandy beaches is enough to make any self-respecting taxpayer cringe. Ernst’s new legislation seeks to make sure that federal employees are compensated based on their actual work location, not where they feel like dialing into Zoom calls.
While the Office of Management and Budget has remained suspiciously silent on these developments, one thing is abundantly clear: Ernst is running a bulldozer through the bureaucratic swamp. It’s time for the federal workforce to reflect the diversity of America and deliver services from regions where they can better connect with the people they serve, instead of maintaining an iron grip on an expensive, outdated D.C. office culture. While some might squawk about the risks or the resistance from government insiders, Ernst’s plan is poised to make a significant splash, with potential ripple effects that could shift the way American bureaucracy operates for years to come.
