Staff Reports
Ah, another day, another story of someone who took political obsession to an all-new level of lunacy—meet Ryan Ralph, the man who thought it was a wise idea to earn a life sentence for plotting against the one and only President Donald Trump. Now, if math isn’t your strong suit, you might scratch your head and wonder, how does someone serve extra months on top of a life sentence? Sounds like a case for Twilight Zone’s legal department.
Ryan Ralph was no ordinary mischief-maker; he allegedly made plans worthy of a villain’s script in an overbudget Hollywood action movie. He wasn’t just content with the usual internet trolling or disgruntled social media posts. No, sir. This guy decided to get all dramatic, hanging around Trump’s golf course with military gear and a rifle, seemingly mistaking himself for some secret vigilante. The Secret Service, always up for a surprise plot twist, had to tackle this one before it became a breaking news spectacle.
But wait, folks, the outrageous saga doesn’t end there. A peek into Ralph’s digital diary revealed plans as bizarre as they come. He reportedly had a scheme involving RPGs (yes, rocket-propelled grenades for the uninitiated) from Ukraine to shoot down Trump’s plane. Now, before anyone sighs over this strange international plot, one might wonder, did Ralph expect to just pop over to Ukraine and pick up some rockets as if they were snacks at a convenience store? His plan, like finding news without spin these days, seemed downright fanciful.
As if the court drama wasn’t intense enough, Ralph decided to round off his theatrical tale with a courtroom performance of attempting to stab himself with a pen when the judge gave him his no-parole sentence. Fortunately, the attempt was about as successful as trying to win a thumb war against an octopus. So now, Ralph, who is about 60—might as well unpack for what looks like an indefinite staycation behind bars.
Despite the insanity of this tale, the silence from folks on the left about this serious assassination attempt is as deafening as a missed episode of a teen drama. There is often talk about standing against violence, but not much noise when things go down against those they don’t rally for. Luckily, the judicial system in Florida took the high road, making sure Ralph got a sentence suitable for his blockbuster plotting efforts and bizarre courtroom antics. While Ralph might have aspirations of being a political anti-hero, reality has assigned him the role of a lifetime resident—of the state’s correctional facilities.
