Staff Reports
Get ready to say your prayers, folks, because the United Methodist Church is calling it splitsville on a grand scale! According to the Associated Press, over 6,000 congregations have packed their bags and headed for the exit doors in recent years. And you know what that means – a clash of biblical proportions!
It turns out that these fine Methodist churches couldn’t handle all the hanky-panky surrounding the church’s stance on homosexuality. Shocking, isn’t it? These conservatives just couldn’t bear the thought of homosexual ordinations and marriages, and who could blame them? It’s 2021, for crying out loud. Are we really still playing this game?
The buck doesn’t stop there, my friends. This mass exodus is hitting hardest in good ol’ conservative territory – the South and Midwest. The states of Texas, Alabama, Kentucky, and Ohio are witnessing a veritable avalanche of churches jumping ship. Oh, the horror! Maybe there’s something in the water down there, or maybe it’s just a healthy dose of common sense. Either way, I applaud them.
Now here’s where things get interesting. Not content with just abandoning ship, some of these rebellious congregations have found solace in a brand spanking new denomination called the Global Methodist Church. Can I get a hallelujah? These brave souls are standing up for traditional Christian teachings and saying, “Enough is enough!”
On the other side of the aisle (because let’s face it, folks, it’s always about sides), the left-wing Methodists are eagerly rubbing their hands together. They smell an opportunity to push their agenda and bring the church into the 21st century. Rumor has it that they’re planning to propose a change in church law to embrace same-sex marriage and LGBT ordinations at the next General Conference in 2024. Oh, joy.
Breaking news:
The United Methodist Church has been divided because it has not been formally led by Godly leaders for years. https://t.co/9Ffodfp2oe— Todd Wagner (@wordsfromwags) January 4, 2020
But let’s not forget about poor Bishop Thomas Bickerton, who is feeling mighty disappointed with all these church departures. He urges the remaining United Methodists to refocus their work. Well, Bishop Bickerton, maybe they wouldn’t have left if the church had stuck to its conservative roots and respected the teachings of scripture. Just a thought.
In conclusion, my fellow conservative warriors, the United Methodist Church is going through some serious turbulence. It’s yet another battle in the never-ending war between traditional values and progressive ideals. Will the conservatives prevail and stand firm on their beliefs, or will the left succeed at reshaping the church in its own image? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure – this holy divide ain’t going away anytime soon. Let the Amen chorus ring!
Source: The Daily Caller
