Staff Reports
After an incredibly short-lived presidential campaign, Senator Tim Scott ended his 2024 bid with as much excitement as a deflated balloon in a small, dimly lit room. The conservative firebrand threw in the towel during an appearance on Fox News, dashing the hopes of the few supporters he had left.
Declaring his love for America had grown even more since May 22, he grudgingly admitted that the voters had given him a not-so-subtle “thanks, but no thanks” sign, paving the way for his face-plant exit from the race. Even his buddy and fellow South Carolinian, Trey Gowdy, seemed caught off guard, his eyebrows reaching for the stars in disbelief. It was as if someone had told him the moon was made of green cheese. “I’m trying to process this information, and I’m trying to do it on live television, so forgive me,” Gowdy said, attempting to come to terms with the train wreck unfolding before his very eyes.
And to add a sprinkle of salt to the open wound, it was revealed that even Scott’s own campaign staff were blindsided by his impromptu announcement. You could almost hear the sound of a needle scratching across a record as they realized that their boss was hanging up his boots, and not even 20 minutes after the campaign had sent out a desperate email titled “One last chance.” Talk about a buzzkill.
Tonight, I suspended my campaign for president.
Traveling this country and meeting all of you has been one of the most fantastic experiences of my entire life.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
God Bless the United States of America. pic.twitter.com/yniJWQMW1N
— Tim Scott (@votetimscott) November 13, 2023
But alas, it seems that Scott’s campaign had more issues than just a shocking and abrupt ending. Despite trotting out his girlfriend at the third GOP primary debate, hoping to distract from his sinking ship of a campaign, voters in Iowa were making it clear that they were firmly on the Trump train, leaving Scott’s choo-choo stuck at the station. According to a Des Moines Register poll, Scott was pulling in a measly 7%, while Trump cruised ahead with a staggering 43%. And nationwide, Scott’s support was scraping the bottom of the barrel at a dismal 2.5%. Ouch.
Even the big bucks couldn’t save Scott from his evidently doomed fate. His campaign had once boasted a war chest bursting with nearly $22 million, but as the reality of his sinking ship set in, they found themselves drowning in the red, spending more than they could rake in. In fact, Scott’s third-quarter filings showed a mere $6 million in donations, while Trump, DeSantis, and Haley were basking in the glow of their much larger cash piles. It was like bringing a water pistol to a firefight.
Fortunately for Scott, he managed to slam the brakes on his doomed campaign before it could veer into a full-blown disaster at the Iowa caucuses. Political experts suggested that this hasty retreat might have saved him from a humiliating trouncing that could have haunted his political future like a bad case of the hiccups. It seems Scott heeded the advice to live to fight another day, even if that fight might be in the minor leagues compared to the big dogs.
And despite this epic fail, it appears that the Great Orange One himself, Donald Trump, had shown a surprising level of restraint (at least by his standards) in not viciously attacking Scott. This glimmer of hope could mean that there’s still a chance for Scott to buddy up with the former president in the future, despite this epic face-plant of a campaign.
So, with his presidential dreams shattered and his tail tucked firmly between his legs, it looks like Senator Scott will have to settle for a much smaller political sandbox, at least for now. But with his baby-faced charm and rare Republican status as a person of color, perhaps he’ll be able to dust himself off and try again another day. As the saying goes, it’s not the fall that matters, but the landing. And in this case, Scott’s landing was about as graceful as a sack of potatoes.
