Staff Reports
Another day, another scandal in the world of politics, but this time it hits a little closer to home, and by close, we mean the golf course. News has erupted that former President Donald Trump was targeted in an apparent assassination attempt while he was simply enjoying a round of golf at Trump International Golf Course in West Palm Beach. The audacity to go after a man simply trying to perfect his swing is enough to infuriate any patriot.
The incident took place recently, resulting in gunfire being exchanged as Trump played on with all the poise one can muster in such chaotic circumstances. His spokesman, like any good press officer, was quick to reassure everyone that Trump emerged from the terrifying situation unscathed and definitely in the mood for some post-game analysis rather than evasive maneuvers.
Trump safe after apparent assassination attempt, person in custody
The US Secret Service confirmed one or more of its agents “opened fire on a gunman” located near the boundary of Trump’s golf course pic.twitter.com/EYZjwy01XZ— Markus Verner (@MarkusVerner) September 16, 2024
Authorities have confirmed that the shooter was armed with the ominous AK-47—because who doesn’t pack serious firepower for a day out at the links? It’s believed the former president was indeed the intended target, and unfortunately, this kind of madness has become the unfortunate new normal. Sheriff Snyder has certainly had his hands full as he tries to sift through the growing pile of lunacy that seems to be brewing around Trump.
Secret Service agents, demonstrating their trademark vigilance, reportedly sprung into action like the superheroes they are, with one officer firing shots at the assailant when he was spotted brandishing what appeared to be a weapon. The perp, who remains as anonymous as a grocery store manager, is described as a white male in his mid-60s—a demographic that raises eyebrows given the usual suspects in this kind of insanity. One wonders if the suspect just stumbled off the golf course himself, possibly wandering in from the wrong end of the clubhouse.
This attempted assassination is no isolated incident. In July, Trump encountered a different kind of horror during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania, when he took a bullet to the ear from a madman, forcing a shake-up in Secret Service leadership. As if Murphy’s Law had become the new mantra for Trump’s followers, formal investigations are underway just to make sense of it all. One can only hope that those overseeing the safety of presidents learn quickly to dodge such attacks and protect those who safeguard their right to enjoy a perfectly manicured green.
In the land of the free and the home of the brave, one thing remains clear: As long as Trump is on the course, the rough is about to get both literal and political. Whether it’s on golf greens or stages across the nation, the target on his back continues to headline humiliating chapters in American political discourse.
