Staff Reports
In a fantastic victory for milk lovers everywhere, the House of Representatives has given a resounding thumbs-up to legislation that would bring whole milk back into the arms of students in public schools. The tasty, delicious, and dare we say, nutritious 2% and whole milk had been kicked to the curb back in 2012, under the watchful eye of the Obama administration. Yes, you read that right, the same administration that brought you the travesty of Obamacare also took away good old whole milk!
But fear not, dear readers, because a bipartisan vote of 330-99 has set the stage for the sweet return of full-fat milk to school cafeterias. Proving that even our divided lawmakers can come together for the good stuff, the House bill would allow schools under the national school lunch program to once again provide 2% and whole milk, including the oh-so-popular flavored milk. History has been made, folks!
House unites behind plan to end Obama-era ban on whole milk in school luncheshttps://t.co/1FMKzPuniK pic.twitter.com/OORcG3sVIm
— The Washington Times (@WashTimes) December 14, 2023
Now, the Senate has the chance to get on board with this udderly fantastic decision. The benefits of whole milk, such as improved nutrition and the undeniable appeal to children, were championed by those on the right side of the aisle. Those wise Republicans argued that the milk industry has been under siege by the current administration, and let’s not forget the hefty 15% increase in milk prices under Biden’s watch. They even called out the Democrats’ support for a Green New Deal, which they claim seeks to rid the world of cows due to their methane-emitting ways. The horror!
House Education and the Workforce Chairwoman Virginia Foxx, a North Carolina Republican, boldly called for an end to the “war on milk.” She emphasized the importance of parental choice and the superior nutrition that whole milk brings to the table. It was a stirring call to arms against the tyranny of skim milk!
However, the fight to bring back whole milk wasn’t without its naysayers. Those wily Democrats voiced concerns that allowing whole milk to make its triumphant return would go against current federal dietary guidelines and even lead to discrimination against lactose-intolerant minorities. But fear not, for this is a victory for all milk lovers, as the legislation still allows for low-fat or plant-based milk options. Phew!
In the end, this battle of the milks showcases the age-old conflict between personal choice and government regulation. The good news is, the House bill stands as a beacon of hope for all those who believe in the power of whole milk. Let’s raise a glass, or carton, to the return of the creamy goodness, and may it flow like a river through our nation’s school cafeterias once again!
