Biden Blames Trump and Jet Lag for Poor Debate Performance Despite Muted Mics

President Joe Biden, ever the blame game aficionado, offered up some dubious excuses for his lackluster performance during the first 2024 debate. In a tell-all interview with ABC News’s George Stephanopoulos, Biden claimed he was “distracted” by former President Donald Trump’s so-called “shouting,” even though Trump was as quiet as a church mouse during silent prayers.

The moderators had agreed to the fairytale notion of muting mics when it wasn’t a candidate’s turn to speak. Biden’s ears must have had a bad firmware update because, according to him, Trump’s mic-turned-off-yet-still-shouting act was the real plot twist he couldn’t grapple with. Poor Joe admitted that even though he was answering the questions, the disembodied shouting—only he seemed to hear—pulled him off his game. Classic.

None of this aligns with the actual footage, where Trump is seen calmly abiding by the rules, even when his lips move. Not a decibel over the limit came through to the audience. But liberal fantasies die hard, and Biden is holding on tighter than a Democrat to the idea that socialism “just hasn’t been tried right yet.”

Adding to the comedy routine, Biden threw in some creative claims about having had a cold and being jet-lagged from trips weeks prior. Stephanopoulos, probably doing his best to keep a straight face, pointed out that Biden had 12 whole days to shake off the jet lag and sniffles. One would think the leader of the free world could manage that, but apparently, no.

The cherry on this sundae of deflections was Biden’s insistence that his dismal debate performance was merely a bad night, not indicative of a deeper issue. He lamented that he didn’t follow his instincts in preparation, a statement that would make anyone wonder: What instincts? The ones that told him to run for office in the first place?

Just when viewers thought the comedy set was over, Biden added another line to his routine. When pressed by Stephanopoulos about re-watching the debate, Biden couldn’t even recall if he had done so. If that’s not material for a late-night show, what is?

Amid growing pressure, even from his own party, for him to step down, Biden commented that only the “Lord almighty” could convince him to resign. One wonders if divine intervention is scheduled before or after his next nap.

Written by Staff Reports

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