Staff Reports
The Biden family dog, Commander, has been having a rough time adjusting to White House life—or, rather, the Secret Service agents have had a rough time dealing with him. An email obtained by the Daily Mail reveals that Commander unleashed a fierce attack on a Secret Service agent in the East Wing’s Kennedy Garden. The dog reportedly ran at full speed toward the agent, sank his teeth in, delivered a bite nasty enough to require stitches, and left a pool of blood that stopped tours for 20 minutes. Talk about a welcome to the people’s house.
The cleanup crew had quite a task as they hurriedly scrubbed the floors of the Booksellers area, where the blood pooled after the Commander’s canine rampage. But if you think that’s the worst of it, think again. The email also disclosed that this incident was just the cherry on top of at least two dozen attacks between October 2022 and July 2023. Ultimately, this made the White House take the desperate step of evicting Commander. So much for man’s best friend.
Secret Service destroyed film of Commander attacking agent at White House https://t.co/vfX6tKuXuy
— Washington Examiner (@dcexaminer) June 19, 2024
The Secret Service did its best to navigate the hazards, reportedly warning other agents each time the Commander was allowed to roam free. One official even sent out a situational awareness memo observing that the Commander seemed to have a free pass to roam the grounds off-leash. He hinted that it was only a matter of time before another incident happened. It turns out that his prophecy did come true.
Standard procedure reared its ugly head when it came time to review the harrowing footage of the Commander on the attack. Thanks to Secret Service retention policies, the file was conveniently destroyed, leaving a hole in what could have been key evidence. The public won’t get to see what really happened; they just have to take the official word for it.
Surprisingly, the U.S. Secret Service spokesperson downplayed the seriousness of the attacks, categorizing them as mere workplace injuries. He diplomatically stated that the Secret Service has been handling the presence of family pets for many presidential administrations. Well, it seems this administration’s furry member is causing more of a ruckus than previous ones. The spokesperson also assured that they have been working with all relevant entities to minimize any negative impact from these so-called “family pets.”
Looks like Biden’s German Shepherd isn’t just sniffing around for treats; he’s been making sure the Secret Service agents earn their combat pay. From biting attacks to necessitating hush-hush cleanups, it seems Commander is more suited for a high-security kennel than the hallowed halls of the White House.
