Staff Reports
Oh boy, hold onto your hats, folks, because it’s time for a ride on the CNN rollercoaster of doom! The New York Post has just served up a piping hot dish of ratings disaster for the folks over at the “Most Trusted Name in Pretend News”. CNN’s primetime viewership among the coveted 25 to 54-year-old demographic plummeted to a jaw-dropping low, with only a measly 83,000 viewers tuning in. Yikes!
Nolte: Doomed CNN’s Primetime Ratings Hit 33-Year Low https://t.co/BgBUeNWxlR
— Debbie (@Ruby53DH) May 23, 2024
But fear not, dear readers, there’s a shining beacon of hope amidst the darkness. Fox News swooped in like a majestic eagle, nabbing over twice the audience of CNN in that sweet, sweet key demo. And MSNBC, bless their little left-leaning hearts, managed to snag second place. Looks like the tortoise and the hare fable played out on the TV screens once again.
Oh, but the drama doesn’t end there! CNN found itself in the ignominious position of slipping down to fourth place behind Newsmax. That’s gotta sting! It was just last Friday night when they were basking in the glow of their temporary rise to the top, thanks to a sprinkle of Donald Trump magic during a town hall appearance. But alas, all good things must come to an end.
And listen to this, friends, during the same timeframe, CNNLOL (yes, that’s what some of us like to call it) could only muster an average of 494,000 viewers in total. Meanwhile, MSNBC was sitting pretty with 1.1 million pairs of eyeballs glued to their content, and Fox News was rocking the charts with a whopping two million viewers. It’s like a ratings battle royale, folks!
Now, here’s the kicker. We’ve got a whirlwind of important happenings in the world – a high-stakes presidential election, a juicy criminal trial involving a candidate, wars in Israel, Russia, and Ukraine – the stuff that should have viewers flocking to their TVs. But for some reason, CNN is struggling to hit even the 500,000 mark for total viewership. What gives, CNN? Maybe it’s time to freshen up that lineup of less-than-charismatic anchors. A network can only survive on snooty sanctimony for so long.
And let’s not forget the big boss man Mark “Let’s Throw in the Towel” Thompson. Rumor has it he’s all but given up on the cable game. With more folks cutting the cord and moving to streaming services, CNN’s cushy cable money may be drying up faster than a puddle in the desert. Looks like it’s time to face the music, folks. CNN can’t just coast on undeserved cable cash forever. The days of easy street may be numbered for the network that’s more punchline than primetime. So grab some popcorn, sit back, and watch the show unfold. It’s gonna be…wait for it…glorious!
